Once you feel confident, happy with yourself, and empowered, you’ll be excited about finding someone new. Besides feeling distressed, you might then go home and compare yourself with the new love interest. After an unplanned run-in, you might even think your ex is more attractive than before. That explored avoidance coping, researchers found that passive avoidance coping styles such as resignation and withdrawal produced many maladaptive outcomes. These negative health outcomes included stress, anxiety disorders, and PTSD.

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In order to overcome this problem, you should ditch those thoughts that say your ex got an upgrade. This new person in their life isn’t necessarily more attractive, smarter, or prettier than you are. In order to better understand the signs that your ex has moved on, we spoke with three dating experts, and two people who went through difficult, extended break-ups.

Signs Your Ex Is Dating Someone Else — So Thank You, Next

A new project will keep your mind occupied and prevent you from dwelling on your old relationship. Then, once you start to make progress with it, you might start to feel as if this breakup was the best thing that ever happened to you. But this does nothing to help you heal from the breakup.

If you’re really struggling or engaging in unhealthy coping mechanisms, talking to a therapist about how this news has affected you can be beneficial. And even if you think you’re handling it OK, opening up to a counselor could still be useful in your healing. How to get over an ex if you still feel like going through withdrawal?

It’s OK to decide you need to take a step back if you realize that it’s too emotionally complicated to maintain a friendship with your ex. You can gently explain that you’d like to take some more time and space, whether for now or for the foreseeable future. You can wish each other well and express that you care about your ex, even as you name your need for space and end the friendship.

Much as we’d like to avoid them, some issues need to be addressed. Moving on from a relationship that wasn’t working ultimately is about loving yourself which can be very difficult. Getting over an ex you once loved begins with severing contact and letting go of the relationship you thought you could have had. “Everything is truly accurate, thanks! I’m definitely reading this article every day.” Make a list of the “bad side” to your ex, so you don’t only focus on the good.

If the relationship was short-lived

New rewarding dating experiences can help lower attachment to an ex-partner, making it less likely that the person will want to reconcile. Research with on-again/off-again couples reveals that bad date experiences can motivate people to go back to their exes. The idea of them dating someone else makes you feel jealous, uneasy, or upset. Your ex is occupying your time, energy, or headspace, and it’s affecting your ability to date other people or be present in other parts of your life. The friendship adds something positive to both of your lives, whether that’s fun, companionship, collaboration, or practicality.

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Keep the conversation light and don’t ask serious or personal questions. But the fact of the matter is, you have to allow yourself to feel if you are going to heal. Ignoring your feelings, pretending like they don’t exist, or trying to numb them in some way is only going to set back your recovery. Be honest about the hurt, pain, and rejection you are feeling. It may have been years since you’ve last seen your ex. And you may feel like you’ve moved on, and that your current relationship status shows it.

Work on making your attachment style more secure and you will reap the benefits not only with your ex but in other areas of your life. Now, in the spirit of honesty I will say that the being there method can be a bit morally grey. From an avoidant perspective this is like hitting the jackpot. Remember, an avoidant is constantly living this balancing act where they want love but they refuse to let anyone close enough to them to receive that love. If that’s the case then you might be a good candidate for being painted as a phantom ex.

“Suppose you’re using a new relationship to feel better or get reassurance that you were not the reason your last relationship ended,” she explains. That said, Sullivan notes that it’s crucial to make sure you’re dating again for the right reasons. Dating solely for the purpose of trying to forget about your ex, make them jealous, or give yourself a self-esteem boost isn’t really fair to the other person you’re getting to know. If your date begins to realize your true intentions, they may feel used.

Then questions like, can I still be friends with an ex? The best thing to do is to keep away from social settings for a while and instead stick to your exclusive circle of close friends. How to move on from an ex, when your mind is dwelling in the past? Reminiscing on the good times is nice, but after a breakup, looking back is probably the worst thing you can do.

Nothing will set your healing back more than stalking your ex on social media. Every time you see a post with their smiling face, it will be like ripping a scab off RussianCupid is down the wound. What’s more, you should avoid rebound dating at all costs. While going out immediately after a breakup may put a band-aid on your pain, it won’t cure it.

The only way your ex will want to be with you again is if you exude strength and let your ex come to you. Any other method will likely annoy your ex and make your ex even more hesitant about being with you. If you’re still thinking to yourself, “My ex is dating someone else already and it hurts,” your first and only priority should be to heal and get your ex out of your mind.

Trying to draw comparisons between his past and his present certainly won’t help you move on. Once you accept things for what they are, you will be in a much better position…and seeing your ex and his new bae won’t even matter one bit. This article was co-authored by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD and by wikiHow staff writer, Jessica Gibson. Is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.